Aspie

I AM Autistic! (duh!)

On 8th December 2017 I sat down in a psychologist’s office and underwent a series of assessments/tests that are used to diagnose Autism Spectrum Disorders in adults. I discussed my childhood, my teen years and my struggles in life both as a young person and as an adult. My Mum also filled out some forms about me and also answered some questions from the Psychologist about me as a toddler – it’s easier to diagnose ASD if they have a decent amount of history from around the age of 4, so it was really important that my Mum attended with me. I left the appointment and Christmas and New Year came and went….

Six agonising weeks passed and finally my result appointment was here.

I sat down in my psychologist’s office once again, and nervously grasping at my coffee, I waited with bated breath. She asked me what I was expecting or hoping for and I answered honestly, while looking at my feet, “I’m hoping for an ASD diagnosis”.

A slow pause and she starts reading out parts of her report (that she had yet to finish) and listed how many points I scored for certain questions and how that measured up to a diagnosis…….

It turns out that on the ADOS 2 assessment, I scored 9. The threshold for an ASD diagnosis is 7, so I can say that I am officially diagnosed as being on the Autism Spectrum and I have Autism Spectrum Disorder. I am not ‘neuro-typical’ – not that that comes as a huge surprise to anyone that knows me, personally!

Part of the report says  “she did not ask for information during the ADOS 2 in a social manner; that is, she did not inquire about nor express interest in the examiner’s thoughts, feelings or experiences, even when presented with a leading statement to investigate further.”  – I feel particularly embarrassed about this part of the report, as it seems so obvious to me looking back. I remember the discussion and kick myself that I didn’t ask her any questions about herself – but then, I also have to remind myself that this isn’t my fault. I am autistic and part of that means that I do not consider other people’s feelings or thoughts instinctively, like neuro-typical people do. It is something I can now understand and accept.

Being diagnosed with Autism wasn’t a surprise to me, but it did take me a week or so to let it sink in – I wasn’t ‘normal’ and after 31 years, it’s a shock. It did though, validate my feelings that I was innately different to the general public – an inkling I’d had since I was a young teen.

However, I now have to navigate the world knowing that my brain isn’t developed in the same way as most people. This means I’m now constantly questioning myself and trying to figure out who I am. Questions like ‘is this my autism, or is this my personal taste?’ and things like that. How much of what I do and say is down to being autistic? You can see where I’m going with this…. it has opened up a can of worms in a sense.

In contrast, it has also given me a sense of relief. Relief that there is now a clinical, medical reason for why I have found life more difficult, more stressful and less enjoyable than most people. I’ve struggled socially since I can remember and now I know why; it wasn’t my fault that I couldn’t keep friendships going through school. It wasn’t my fault that I was in my early 20s before I had a boyfriend and lost my virginity. Social skills don’t come naturally to me and now I understand why. I understand why I’ve struggled with Social Anxiety Syndrome since my teens; it turns out that Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and ASD are often seen together – anxiety disorders are also co-morbid conditions often found alongside EDS and ASD – and I have all 3!!!

So that explains it. I’m autistic. I am autistic. And that’s okay. I guess that also makes me somewhat of a genius in a way… I’ll get onto that in another blog post!

Ta ta for now xx

 

 

 

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Adult Autism (ASD) Assessment

On 8th December 2017 I attended a private practice in my hometown, for an adult autism assessment and I thought I’d share with you how it went and what happened.

Firstly, I shall briefly explain how to get an NHS assessment if you think you may be on the Autistic Spectrum. The first port of call is your General Practitioner (GP). I spoke to my GP about my concerns and he asked me to go home, write down the things about myself that make me think I may be autistic, give it to him and he will then decide if what I’ve written warrants a referral for a diagnostic assessment.

Unfortunately for me and others in my area, our NHS autism clinic has closed, so referrals are now being sent to a local private clinic instead and they take on NHS patients through a GP referral. I’m not sure if that’s a nationwide issue (I’d guess that it may well be) so always ask your GP first – I had to signpost my GP to a referral service myself and find one that would take NHS referrals.

Obviously, my GP thought I made a good enough case for myself, because the next thing I know, I get a phonecall from a private clinic asking me if I would like to book my ASD assessment. A few days later I get 3 emails containing self-assessment questionnaires to fill in online. I wrote quite a lot of detail in those, as I am much better at writing about myself than talking about myself in person – clearly!

The 8th December came and my anxiety was going nuts. I had terrible stomach symptoms (my tummy tells me I’m anxious before I realise how I’m feeling) and sleeping was difficult the night before. I get to my appointment and the first thing I notice is how horribly bright and colourful the waiting room was. Hideous bright lights and yellow cushions. The sofa was pretty cool in that it was a button back chesterfield with dark coloured patchwork fabric on it. That bit, I did like!

So, we go upstairs with my Psychologist and I take my Mum in with me – after all, she knows me better than I know myself (and can remember what I was like when I was a toddler) which is apparently very helpful during an adult diagnosis, as ASD symptoms are easier to identify in children. I think the first part of the assessment was the Autism Diagnostic Interview (ADIR) and My Mum told some embarrassing stories about me – like sitting in front of the tv as a baby, listening to classical music – crying!

Once we’d talked about my childhood, my Mum was asked to leave and we then started on the ADOS-2 (Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule) and what I’d call ‘childrens tests’ – things like reading a book out loud, that didn’t have any words in it – so describing the story of pictures (which I found incredibly difficult!) and then I had to make up a story featuring random items from a plastic bag of toys and random things. I passed on that one as I couldn’t find a link to any of the items and couldn’t create a story – I have an absolutely useless imagination!!!

The Psychologist told me that there were two other assessments she could do during my appointment; a personality test and a cognitive test. But, as she’d already learned about me doing a degree, she agreed that I have no cognitive issues and I don’t have a personality disorder, so we skipped both of those tests. We talked a lot about my childhood and my teen years and not much about my life as an adult – although I thought it was pertinent to explain how I have not had a ‘proper job’ since I was made redundant from working part time with my Mum for a charity in 2010 and that I spend most of my time reading, researching and looking for things on ebay (and obsessively buying antiques for our Victorian home!)

The appointment was over before I knew it. The psychologist walked me downstairs and told me I’d get an appointment for the results of the assessment and it should last around an hour.

My results appointment is on 17th January 2018 – so, I have a SIX WEEK WAIT to find out if I’m on the Autistic Spectrum or not. Suffice to say, this will be the most tense 6 weeks. I really wish my appointment was sooner.. I feel like I’m in limbo right now. I’m watching lots of videos on Youtube of people who’ve had adult diagnoses and I just want to know if that may be me.

Of course, I will be writing up the results of my Adult Autism Assessment and am also considering starting a Youtube channel of my own to help raise awareness of ‘being different’ (I hate that term, but I AM different… I just don’t know HOW!)

If you need any information about Autism then have a look at the National Autistic Society website – it’s been a great help to me so far.

xx